Running on fumes
I’ll admit it… 41 games in 42 days to start the season (with a 7-hour bus ride followed by a night game followed by a day game followed by a night game followed by a 6-hour bus ride crossing into a different time zone followed by a night game followed by two day games) has finally caught up to me. Things settle down later in the season when the weather warms up and the games are almost all at night, but this is wearing me out. And all I do is talk. Just imagine the players.
Last night I ordered Cassano’s Pizza, which was good. I had to order two pizzas to bring my total up above the minimum delivery order, then housed the first one in about 10 minutes.
Today I went to Skyline and grabbed two chilitos. Darn good.
Which brings me to my main story, and you bet it involves awkward exchanges and sightings (This is why you’re reading, right?). On my way to Skyline, some dude standing on the sidewalk asked me if I had a lighter, right after a lady carrying a cigarette walked past him. While trying to piece all of this together, I saw an even more-dumbfounding exchange going on in a parking lot across the street. Two guys were standing there talking. One of them was wearing a suit, the other had a golf club. At first, I wondered if I was about to witness some sort of assault, but luckily the answer was no. I was witnessing an impromptu (or maybe for them, completely promptu) post-lunch golf swing lesson. The guy with the club almost fell down one time after swinging. I’ve golfed exactly twice in my entire life. I don’t know anything about the game, nor am I any good at it. But is the parking lot next door to O’Charley’s really the venue to have someone (in a suit, no less) tell you how to cut down on your slice? Is Tiger Woods’ old swing coach really that strapped for cash already, the day after he resigned, that he has to slum it in a parking lot in Dayton? Come on. I don’t see Tom Tornincasa showing any TinCaps hitters how to keep their front side in, unless we’re at the ballpark. Get it together, golf.
If you think golf practice outside of a restaurant is awkward, try this: You might remember from my last post (I wouldn’t remember either if I were you), we had a bachelor auction at the game on Ladies Night, which was Friday. All seven guys made videos meant to entice the ladies to bid their hard-earned cash on us (proceeds went to the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer Research). While the videos were funny, it’s still just us bozos. Anyway, after the game, somebody told me I had gotten the highest bid. Figuring it was a joke/mistake, I found Abby Naas to double-check, since she was in charge of the whole thing. She told me that yes, I had gotten the highest bid. But there was a catch (it involves me, so of course there was). Apparently someone had bid the minimum ($10), then someone bid $40, then the original bidder came back and bid $50. The catch? The original bidder was a woman who was bidding for her husband, who is a big fan of the blog. So next Thursday, on my second day off in 43 days, I’ll be having a nice elegant dinner in the J. Chapman’s Suite-Level Loft with… a dude. This is my luck. Of course I’ll be nice because I’m not a jerk and it’s just for fun anyway, but it would be nice if this guy has some good-looking single female friends/relatives between the ages of 23-26. I don’t ask for much.
FYI: As we found out when “The Cosby Show” later spawned “A Different World,” the brilliance of “Saved by the Bell” turned into “Saved by the Bell: The College Years” and “Friends” spun off into an entire generation of insane women, you haven’t really made it until there’s a spin-off of what you’re doing. Well, The Watson Files has a spin-off. It’s McCabe’s Musings, written by my old pal Matt McCabe, who I called games with for the Delaware Cows and is now the radio guy for the Binghamton Mets. I just hope his blog includes someone wearing flip-down sunglasses at all times.
- Yesterday’s pre-game interview was performed by The Big Dog (Hayden Beard), interviewing Edinson “The Bull” Rincon. It was easily the best interview we’ve had in the last two years. Think about the language barriers here: Guy speaking Australian to a guy from the Dominican who’s just learning English (and doing a good job, I might add). This is why America is the great melting pot. I especially liked the part when Beard started asking Rincon about his girlfriend back in the Dominican Republic. The words “muy bonita” were used.
- The bus to the ballpark yesterday was supposed to leave at 2:45 p.m. When I got on the bus at 2:42 p.m., I was given the business by an unnamed strength coach. I feel like I’m in Office Space… If you want me to be there way before 2:45, make the bus time 2:40. Was I also not wearing enough pieces of flair?
- I’m hearing good things about Iron Man 2. The first one ruled.
That’s all I have for now… Gotta be at least 10 minutes early for the bus or I might be forced to run poles and chug Muscle Milk when I get to the ballpark.
Musical guest, Jimmy Buffett!