Goodness gracious… Generally I don’t post on the Sabbath, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Call it a late Christmas present for all of us.

Matt Stairs signed with the Padres. This makes me happy for several reasons.

1. Because every good baseball team should have a good mullet.
2. Because this means that Matt Stairs and Jaff Decker will be in the same spring training camp and if, by chance, they stand next to each other, some prospect know-it-all-wannabes will have the epiphany that, “You know what? Maybe all those ‘Jaff Decker has a Matt Stairs body’ were a stretch of reality.”
3. Furthermore, maybe they’ll have a second epiphany that, “You know what? Matt Stairs is 42 and still playing baseball. You know who isn’t? Nomar Garciaparra, the guy who was supposedly in the best shape of anyone who ever played the game. Maybe we should stop saying ‘Jaff Decker can really hit, but he isn’t a bodybuilder.’ and see what happens. After all, he’s about to be 20 years old playing at the Advanced-A level. That’s pretty good.”
4. Hopefully people who want to look beyond the obvious “look at Matt Stairs” jokes will understand that Matt Stairs wasn’t always the caricature he is today. When he was in Double-A, he played second base and stole 30 bases in a season. Did that just rock your world a little bit?
5. Because, plain and simple, I have a man-crush on Matt Stairs and I think it’s a crime that a segment of the baseball community has turned him into a negative stereotype. This aggression will not stand. People should understand that he has changed from a speedy middle infielder into a professional hitter during his career and there are millions of kids who would do anything to have a career as long and productive as he has. And if I can change, you can change. EVERYBODY CAN CHANGE!

That’s all. Coming tomorrow: A’s prospect goes 30-30, then goes into the priesthood and more!

Enjoy the football today!


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